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Date / Time : Saturday, November 25, 2006 / 6:59 PM
HOLA FROM HERE!!! hey guys!!haha..im holaing from dwn here....freakin boring wei..my parents wen out wit her fwens and all..and im here..wit this laptop...lol!!!sien dei!!!!i wen shopping ytd,...walk till my back ache oso dmn pain...i'll update wit the trip later...actuallly i dunno wut i wanna say here....suprsingly ..sumone called me ytd..weird huh...all the way from london wei!!haha...i noe u rich and all..got big big job in a big big company...haiz..she was tellin me abt the mail don sent to her..i feel damn farkin guitly wei..is it me...dat made him like dat...maybe so la...prabaly his fwens think so...well..wut to do..i mean..its not entirely i fault rite..i can dun tell him abt sean...but its not god dmn fai rite...everything has to be equal..i said im sorrie lready too..and besides...be together..its not onli be entirely at fault ok..he had sum doings too..anyways..i dun ann brag abt it la..not good not good...sigh...dmn dissapointed lo..since then i dunno hu the heck is he anyways..like wut wevind say..the first time he meet don..he noes don was not a nice person..i mean as fwenly..very rude fella...but sumhow i dun think so..urghh!im not gonna help anyone here....not right to do soo...but still..those hu cares abt me..just tryin to help onli rite...its not they r forcing u to do so..u dun wanna do..all u gottab say is..just no thx..im sorrie..i dun think iu cant do it..dast it...itsnt dat hard...welll im sorrie if i ve hurt u...but if u were in my situation..plz understnad a bit can or not...u hate me..fine la..but dun putting ru anger onto those i love most rite...sigh...
TRUTH?? SIGH...not onli i find out abt the mail dat i was u0pset abt..maybe in the end i finall realise that i was waiting fro sumtng dat will NEVER come back to me..but yet..i always tell myself dat..tell myself to give up..and hes not coming back to me..but yet i stilll wanna wait..ok..maybe wait isa wrong term to describe...i mean..loving him behind close doors..i just cant let him go like that..its not gonna be right..i dun feel like i can..maybe slowly gradually it will dissapear..im tryin hard not to think abt it..but everytime i do..but i cant..i just cant..i try hard but i still cant forget abt him..i still cant forge the times we had...ytd nite..i was sitting outside the balcomny..and lookin up in the milky dark sky...i look at all the stars..soo beautifull..i just sat der..and it toook my breath away...the stars were shinning so brightly..but then i tot of sean...i tot how nice whud it be to spent this time wit him...but i noe its impossible..hes not coming back...FUTURE??ders not future in both of us..fine..maybe im being to negative...but this is the truth..maybe wtv he said in the mail..was just ryin to push me away by not hurting my heart...well finally i noe wut it is rite..
greg told me to let go..learn to accpet everyone aroun me..he say if i wan sumone..a guy..i can haf..its up to me to accpet them..but how can i be wit sumone wern i dun haf the heart to love them..its just not right ...he told me i slwoly will learn to accpet them..but time???i dun haf much time..all i wanna is spent my last times wit those i love..and sean...sean is sumone i love..i noe this he will never noe and he will never understand..probably..don..i can never change his mind...like don cant change mymmind abt him...gel ask me ytd..do i believe in miracle..actualyl rite..now..i say no...i use to believe in miracle..miracle happen..miracles happen to those hu earn it...and i dun...
so now...i guerss i haf to slowly let go...lol..let go..how farnie it was dat i was the one hu asked him to elt me go..now..im askin myself to let myself go...how stupid is this...anyways...i betta go now..
i'll come back and tell abt u guys abt the trip...rite now..i wanna go and mourn..lol..kidding!!!cioz peeps!!
