SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTSsighh..my day has been down the hill every hour...first the stupid bus came late...miss 30 mins of class..den..i found out my assignment i did all wrongly...hafta start it all over again...den..interview...
pfft..dun even wanna start..i did badly...VERY BADLY in the interview...not only that..my farkin phone line has a problem..what problem..my phone shows i have a full bar..but i cant call..can receive call..neither msges...great anot?
at home..i wanna tok to sumone..i got no one to turn too..i saw him online..tot..maybe hes cheer me up..but nah..he fark care..i got so pist off..i left the chatroom..den can tok to claud..but..she dun care oso..so..who i turn too..the 4
walls of my bedroom..i know i was gonna burst in tears any min now...u know the feeling wen u keep in all inside..just gonna burst out anytime..i had that feeling..i bruise my knuckle coz i hit my punch the wall..yup..smart rite..pain wit pain..even bloggin now..i really wanna just screamm!!y wen i wan to talk to someone..i haf no one to turn too..everyones busy...sighh..
tmrw somewht is a big day..but to me..i dunno..i see it like a ordinary day..my heart right now..i just...i know is silly..but i just wanna have a little fun wit him...stupid rite??i really do wanna tear my heart out..tear into pieces..stomp on it...hit it on the walls...i wanna be like the character in pirates of the caribean..the Mr octupus..store is heart away..so he will never feel..i wanna b like dat..i wanna store it away...throw it in the deepest ocean..so i whud never feel like this again..so i will never like or love anymore...
im sulking now..and im pushing myself to do my assignment...i wanna ttry to cut myself..watch myself bleed...
i chudnt sleep ytd nite as well...i dunno y..maybe i was nervous abt todays interview..alot of things wen tru my head..i meant alot..i tot of lunch ytd..was afraid he thinks im boring..he thinks im boring to be wit...i wanna know what he thinks abt me..i wanna know whats in his head..and stuff like dat..and the things we talk abt...den i thought abt arthur..stuff i heard abt..things we had...and den i tot abt my fwens...i tot of melb..i tot of if i did get my job in melb..i wonder how thingd gonna b...i had series of events in my head wut whud happen if things were different..how it whud b if its like dat
i told myself this..if i do let go of him..i dun wanna like or love anymore..i dun wanna feel this agony..this pain..i dun wanan put myself in a position whr i feel like everything has gone upside dwn..i dun ww i wanna b like this anymore..why...i keep askin myself..y cant i just let go..y cant i just move on..why cant i??